Oops Sorry About That 365 v.34 Project, I’m 37 Now

Hi, is this thing on?

I haven’t blogged the rest of my 365 v.34 project (like the title says, I’m uhhh 37 now) primarily because of laziness. It’s been on my art IG for forever, but even that has gathered dust in its own ways, and been private for some time. For my sanity.

A 365 was (and has always been) a creative go-to of mine, but at age 34 I quickly learned my motivation and time to take the photos, write the captions, and cross-post everything was nowhere to be found. When I was young, depressed, and in an unhealthy environment, it was easy to lose myself in these personal projects. They were all I had. They distracted me from a lot of despair and mistreatment.

My art was, for a long time, my solid ground in a crumbling world.

And I can easily draw some painful parallels about the literal and figurative malnourishment I was experiencing. My art kept my soul fed.

Years later, when life got good, it was harder and harder to find the time to share what I was making. I also had to learn to make art as a happy person, which was admittedly really hard for me. #GothAlert or whatever.

And good lord: social media and its algorithmic horseshit makes sharing my art more of a chore than anything. And the AI. The fucking AI. I also have a lot of life to be present for now— I am no stranger to the doom-scroll. I am not invincible. I am weak and human, just like you, and you, and you.

But I’ve also been so busy, y’know? I’ve slowed down and sped up and slowed down again. There’s been joy and devastation, at times in equal measure, and my creative process as a whole has been destroyed and rebuilt time and time again. I’ve been all over the world, experienced massive upheavals of the good kind, and also the bad kind, and had to really take stock of What Art Means for me.

When I, uh, have the time? Lol. Lmao. Lol.

Tokyo, 2023

Taking a break from this awkwardly self-imposed obligation was good for me. I started shooting 35mm film again, which has been sick, bro, and outside of my digital comfort zone. (This is making me remember I have 5 rolls of film to send off for developing, oof.) I am not particularly good at it and I love that, because I need to practice and learn and grow. I want to, at least. And I learned that taking photos because I want to will always lead to photos that I like.

But I do miss the connections I was able to make through my art. I miss writing stories with my work that were cryptic (or very fucking clear) and boy, do I miss openly and loudly expressing this part of me.

So I guess I’ll be posting again. (God, maybe not the 365 any time soon, though? When I unlock my IG you can go there. Or whatever. I really don’t care. Live your life!)

Okbye.